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2004-10-10 - 1:59 a.m.

10-09-04 10:40 a.m. Healthy Sick

Well it's overcast. The signs don't look good as far as the weather goes. My body has this humming vibration going on with all of the muscles in my arms, neck, and head feeling like they keep trying to clench repeatedly. I wonder if it is the colonapin that does this since I take most of my dose first thing in the morning so that by the time I take it again it's been about 24 hours. I don't know. The only thing I know is I don't like it and it takes the colonapin to make it go away and the amount I have to take has increased by a half. And if there's one thing I've learned to hate and causes dread is a need for increased dosage because that leads to a shortage before refill time and the bastard pharmacists won't refill a prescription until two days before the date on the bottle. Or, I have to make an appt. with my G.P. which will take two weeks to get in, wait a half hour, get "seen" for about two minutes and lose/have to make up an hour of work. Talk about some money and time well spent...

I resent the fact that I've been put on a medication that can be addictive and habit forming even though it has helped a lot with my panic and anxiety. I really don't need another potential monkey to add to my back. The line gets very wide and grey with me when it comes to addictive, legally prescribed, (read sanctioned?), drugs vs. those that are not. With the constant marketing, doctor-courting, sample pushing that pharmacutical companies do, I would imagine that the substance abuser group is growing by leaps and bounds. And like alcohol, it will cut across age, gender lines, and economic status. These addicts can come from any place and from any background heredity be damned. And the worst part in my mind is that they are probably one of the least likely of the types or groups to realize they might need help because it was blessed by a g.p. so it can't be bad. When they think of an addict, they see some dreg of society and even if they did come around to the realization that they had developed a dependance, they sure as hell don't see themselves sitting in a group with THOSE folks.

I know there's been a time or two that I've offended a friend of mine when I mentioned that I didn't think there was much difference between the assorted anti-depression medications she takes and some of the illegal drugs or alcohol I've been addicted to. She takes pills for depression and anxiety, I drink to escape depression and anxiety. The difference is very vague and is purely a societal construct. You can't see, but in the 25 minutes I've been sitting here thinking and typing, the muscle spasms and vibrations have ceased from my medication.

They say that people who drink are "self-medicating" and a tell tale sign of alcoholism or substance abuse is doing it daily, building up a tolerance and going through withdrawal when you stop. I take colonapin every day, am building up a tolerance, and if I quit taking it, I will withdrawal from it. Why, they're not alike at all, are they?

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5:25 p.m. Unleaded Secrets on Diesel Smoke Dreams

We have a next-to-nothing policy in effect here today. By this I mean I won't do exactly nothing today, but close to it. It's all of the leisure without all of the guilt. Everyone should have a next-to-nothing day at least once a month. I highly recommend it to all 2 of you that might be reading this. I'm doing a whole whopping 1 load of laundry but besides that I haven't even bothered to comb my hair. See? Next-to-nothing. Keep track of these tips kids, one day they may lead you to the sloven promise land. I'll be there looking like I was born without bones.

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