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It's tough being a "man" in the 'burbs and it's about to get tougher. If I have to watch another pot-bellied moron with a riding lawnmower the size of a compact car ride around obsessising over his lawn then I'm gonna get a dog. His name? Ball chomper. I'll start up a mower and then smash him across the face with a piece of raw steak. Eventually, this beast of a dog will go apeshit-motherfucking crazy when he hears the sound of a mower. And I ain't putting tags on him. "What's that? Some angry dog destroyed your ball sack? That's tough. No, I don't know who owns him, but I've got a dish of his favorite food waiting.." You see kids? THIS is how shitty presidents get elected. When you are too busy with your lawn to know what's going on in the world, you fucking elect assholes.
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