Like a can of corn

Two dry bits of non-reflecting damage ports

for eyes

you get to feel like everything is

a "maybe" or a "someday"

When there once was motivation

and optimism boiling your coffee

on the stove.

There's this then:

Everyday hands waxing excuses

for cover and fear and

just about anything else

you've not got around to

hiding from,

but still can't look in the eyes

because you might've wanted it

some day.

_____________________________________

Tonight I started trying to call about ads in the paper for people in Austin that were looking for roommates, and it didn't get off to a very good start. The first obstical was my parents, because this also coincidentally was the night they needed to make a lot of phone calls about various things. It's frustrating sharing one phone line for three people and two computers. Once I managed to get ahold of the phone, I started feeling very nervous and uncomfortable thinking about how some damaged loser from Ky was going to be calling some unsuspecting individual in TX to bother them about a room. But, it appears it wasn't a good night to be calling as it seems four out of the half dozen were not in or at home, one was the number for some Petroleum company(!?), and the only call to make it thru was to a woman that didn't mention in her ad that this wasn't an apartment, but a room in her home. Four hundred and something a month for a room isn't exactly a great price, especially paying half the utilities. Sure, it's a dandy of a deal for her though with winter coming and all. I asked if it was a fairly large room and she said "I don't know, it's about 12foot by something or other. Wow, can I live in a shoebox and pay utilities on your whole house? Please?

So, I started getting all kinds of frustrated and depressed because it's becoming more apparent that this won't be as easy as I'd hoped, or happen as soon as I'd hoped. But, then I remembered that I don't have to get out by a certain date, (even though I desperately want out by the end of the year and so who knows? I don't, that's for sure. It's looking like a wait and see sort of thing much like everything else for the past year. There are other avenues and alternatives, so the quest continues. The lady I'm building the website after all, is a real estate agent and her and her husband used to live and work there. She told me she would pass along my resume and could contact some agents she knows, so, there's that at least.

I'm so freakin' brain dead and tired that it's not safe for me to operate a vehicle right now. I've lost

my train of thought no less than six times just typing this! *Blort* Damn! There goes that frontal lobe again! I need to get that fixed..