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Monday in the afternoon with the heat like a life or a stench closing over you, yuck. I�ve been spoiled by a/c that I was always too cheap to use when I was renting, so Mr. Whimp kept his sorry behind indoors this weekend but is itching to go out and about for a walk or to sketch or take more photos, etc. All the time that would have went towards those things went towards downloading music this weekend because I�m still enamored of my new toy and the joy it brings to me like some clumsy fool that can�t stop laughing every time he trips. �Johnny Cash!?!, I can download Johnny Cash?!? Ahahahahahahahahahahahaha�. All the stuff I can�t find here, or can�t afford, or was lost in the �separation� can now be mine even though I could probably scratch grooves into plastic faster than this blasted machine will download. But I�m a patient boy, oh yes, patience. Even if it takes 2 hours to get a Drive Like Jehu song. Do you compute indeed! I�m in a much cheerier mood so far because I also managed to do something else this weekend that was very much necessary and needed: Sleep. Glorious, copious amounts of it in fact. Now if I could just do a bit better with watching what I eat, I would be just that much happier with myself. It�s funny to find myself thinking about taking care of my body after an incredible period of debauchery in which I destructively crammed so many combinations of illicit substances, alcohol, etc into my poor little form with abandon. It must have something to do with no longer wanting to feel awful, and so when the focus of pain and discomfort, (i.e. hangovers), was no longer present, I started being much more sensitive to what my body does and doesn�t like. I�ve even been considering, (gasp!), cutting back on smoking, but obviously I haven�t been considering it too hard since I noticed I�ve been actually smoking more, not less, lately. I think it was just a bad week that did it. I�m still plugging away on finishing my collection of drawings even though I frequently have to push the �why bother?� feelings, insecurities, etc. to the back of my brain. I keep trying to challenge the �why bother?� thoughts with the �why not?� thoughts lately, and it�s working some. It�s important to remember that I only have myself to please, not just to disappoint, and if I think something is valid, worthwhile, important, etc. then it is, no justifications are needed. After all, there are plenty of morons out there that �allow� themselves to like �N Sync�, for which, to my knowledge, there is no justification or discerning taste/intellect apparent other than being an absolute jackass fool moron. I think what annoys me though is that the most consistent complaint about the drawings is how �depressing� they are. I think people are just too used to washing down the happy pills with a gallon of kool aid. I guess I could have tried to draw a few more flowers and happy trees, but I didn�t think it went as well with relating the stories of being dumped, broke and being an alcoholic. I think maybe the point that most people though might miss about me is just the fact that maybe I derive happiness from complaining. They look at those pages and the writing and think �Man, he�s really screwed�, but once those things were put down, there was a cathartic release that helped me keep moving and not focus on those thoughts or feelings anymore. It�s called owning your shit. Once you own it, well, No. 1, nobody else wants to, (it is your �shit� after all), and No. 2, you can point it out for yourself and others: �Hey, watch out for my shit� he says pointing at the mental sidewalk with the turd in the psychological path. �Uh, thanks man, I would have really hated to have stepped in that!� Yeah, me too�. Here�s my past life photo for the day:
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