It�s just having this very empty routine and existence without knowing what or how I could change that, or what I could change it to. This is the same issue that�s basically been bothering me for months. The main thing that might help to change my situation is one that I can�t really afford yet and that�s to move out or away from here. Not having privacy and personal space, not being able to decide when I�m unavailable to people. It�s frustrating not to even have basic control of my environment. That my life is shoved into boxes in storage, or in piles in the little space where I sleep. I�m getting closer though. I have most of the money saved; the problem is with transportation for one. The other is the fact that I�m just about to start getting benefits from work, so I don�t want to just walk away from this job, but staying here, (especially actually PAYING to stay here), is not what I had in mind.

I need a place where there�s either public trans., or everything is in walking distance. A place that at least has a decent library, or an art museum, or how about a repertoire theater or a video store with more selection than 6 copies of the latest pap. Sigh. I�m almost there. Shouldn�t be too much longer I guess. Maybe by the end of this year I can relocate?!?

At least I have some work of my own to show for these past 7 or so months, because I would be REALLY frustrated then. That�s really my major consolation right now, my drawings and writings, etc. That, and being in recovery, having that alcoholism under control. I guess those are two really great things, I should appreciate them more than I do, focus on that instead of this other shit. What can I say? I�m the type of person that when one issue gets resolved and I don�t have to worry about it anymore, I just bump the next one up and keep on worrying. Let�s just try to make the most of this weekend despite myself and all these other things that aren�t really under my control, or aren�t yet in a position to do something about. �.