There have been various thoughts and opinions being bandied about in the local paper for the past several weeks. There�s been a lot of religious debating especially do to the current war we�re involved with and their religious practices and beliefs. This morning, there was yet another spin on the current issues that has risen out of the courts decisions about the pledge of allegiance and the imposition of �God� on others that might not share our religious leanings. The lady was decrying the court, questioning how much longer we would allow those fat-cat judges to keep taking away all the good, wholesome things that this dear country of ours was founded on. In her view of the non-Christian elements the answer for how to deal with detractors in our America, is simple: Go somewhere else where there�s people like you. If you don�t like it, tough, get out of our country. She specifically addressed this to one group in particular: The Atheists. I couldn�t agree more. In fact, I have a few other �undesirables� to add to the list, I thought I might run them by you. Here goes:
First, and foremost, I would like to see incontinent grandmothers out of my America. They leach off Social Security, those "depends" are probably not biodegradable, and frankly, I have a lack of respect for people not in complete control of their bowels. I know this seems harsh, but I think once you weigh this argument, you�ll come around as I have.
2) Cripples, amputees, lepers, and thalidomide babies. I find limbless people very depressing. Overall, I think it has a negative impact on our mental well-being. And besides, they can�t really earn their keep. They lower our morale, get �em out.
3) Queers. All ass bandits, penis huffers, goober gaffers, schlong-slobbering queen-cum, fudge-packing sicko pigs should be removed immediately. I think you all would agree that we could definitely do without those child molesting, anus-plugging fairy wang-wankers using up our heterosexual rubbers. I get nauseous just thinking about tastefully matching furniture, lean, hairless bodies with a six-pack looking like some sort of Adonis. Lesbians, however, should be an exception. Those bitches are hot as hell!
4) Fat people. Come on, they aren�t �big boned�, they don�t have a �gland problem�, it�s not hereditary to have an unquenchable appetite for ho-ho�s. They take more than their share of food, seating, and it goddamn depresses me like hell to see some white pasty whale at a beach or swimming pool with a tarp thrown over a mound of sagging shit they call a body. Move it chubby checker, back on the boat!
5) The sick bastards that like mayonnaise and the food related crap it adorns. It�s a disgusting condiment, you have to be a fat, incontinent grandmother with a wooden leg and a taste for anal sex to like that shit. No potato salad, tuna salad, egg salad either. And while I�m at it, no cole slaw! You put mustard on pretzels and hot dogs, and that�s about as American as you can get!
I think that with these few additions to the list, we can finally restore our blessed country back to the standard that it should be as a decent, moral, bladder competent, missionary fucking, mustard eating, anorexic, Jesus-crispied rascist state that others can admire and emulate. In short, Hitler got it started; let�s finish the job. I don�t want to be the one who dropped the ball.
Thank you.
