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     diary at DiaryLand.com! contact me older entries newest entry What a rotten thing to call a consolation.

2002-07-08 - 5:16 p.m.

I find myself strangely struggling for words today. I had a perfectly relaxing weekend even though few things really transpired. I finally managed to break the 5 hour sleep barrier that I�ve been stuck in for over a month, garnering an amazing 8 hours on Friday night. Saturday, a great deal of time was spent at the park, (which is not so unusual for me these days), drawing, strumming tunelessly my acoustic guitar, and writing about some of thoughts that popped into my head as I lay down to sleep the night before. Mostly it had to do with this theme of understanding baggage and how we relate to each other as people. I was taken with the image of a person with a goldfish bowl type head and a mass of gray matter visibly banging about inside of it mounted on the more or less ordinary shoulders, the body being a vehicle operated by the driver, the mind. How can we ever really understand or relate to each other as people? There�s so much distance and variables and language is simply a very generic, inadequate tool. I was just amazed at the notion of friendship and bonds that people establish, it can be an incredible thing, beautiful to different degrees, but it is also sort of tragic and sad depending on the value those around you give it. And mainly, that�s it. In a sort of desperation to avoid the terrible depths of isolation and loneliness, we give rather arbitrary things some significance and meaning to justify and form a bridge filtered through a watered down expression of things we can�t really verbalize or convey. It can be a thoroughly incongruous experience.

Saturday night some friends came down for a visit, and I was happy to see that my friend appeared to be healthier, (he�s been dealing with diabetes). Sunday was pleasant as well, however it was filled with much the same things. For some reason though, I�ve just been a bit out-of-sorts; off balance today. But, there�s not really much else to say about that because even I don�t know why that is. Well, we�ll keep moving, keep breathing, keep trying and keep living, for now at least anyway. It is life, after all, that you miss when you�re preoccupied waiting for something to �happen�.

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