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2002-06-14 - 3:08 p.m.

Yahr. I've entered into this strange headspace today, it's been building I think. A secretary here decided to wear something, I don't know, more provocative? Is that right? How about shorter and tighter than usual. You know, even if I saw or found someone that I thought was attractive, the last thing I would do is stand around like these guys here are all slack-jawed and drooling. And they are all my age and older and I wouldn't doubt she's all of 18. I wonder about how she feels about that kind of attention. I suppose that some people go looking to be noticed, but I can hardly imagine wanting that. It feels like sharks circling in bloody water. I just keep walking, what do I care these days anyway? You can see people who are attractive, sense even their ego or confidence in it, and it's beside the point whether or not I think that anyone deserves to act like they're important because of their looks, etc. But how about the fact that in so many ways, they aren't responsible for the features or looks they were born with? Why would that be something to feel important about? Credit for a job you didn't do or really have a hand in? And then you talk to or overhear some of these people and their so banal and boring and lack so much depth, interests, or intellect, that they just aren't worth anyone's time, or, I should say, (rather obnoxiously), mine.

I'm driving home from work yesterday and this guy in his "big-ass" truck is just a little ahead of me in the lane to the right. There's a license plate in the window along with a smattering of flag stickers with cheezy slogans that reads something like: "Stop Rape! Say Yes!", and I don't think I've felt so instantly disgusted in a long time. From start to finish we are a ridiculous lot, laughable group of beings. I wonder what's wrong with me, but then, I didn't decide to start building bigger vehicles that use more of a non-renewable resource that pollutes the air we breath to boot! And the big-ass trucks? What is the deal with all these big ass trucks? Overcompensating fellas?!?

*Sigh*..huff, huff, huff.. It's this area, sometimes it just kills me. I never felt comfortable or had a very high opinion of it when I was younger and less opinionated, so it's to be expected that sometimes it gets to me. For chrissakes the largest club in my high school by far was the F.F.A., (Future Farmers of America for those that don't know). A teacher caught all these students from vocational school or wood shop,(same thing 'cause it's the same people), standing around measuring their cocks. The yearbook has photos in the back of guys "peelin' out" as they leave the parking lot. And for some reason, most of the women that have personal ads from this area mention as interests "fishing, caving and Nascar"! AAAAaaaaauuuuuuuggggghhhh.

I'm not even exactly sure what "caving" entails.

One of my old friends said to me a while back "you always were the one that talked about leaving". Of course I did, we all talked about how much we hated it here, the only difference was that when I didn't HAVE to be here, I left.

Alright, I think that helped. We're just going to sit back, take a deep breath, and think positive thoughts like: "I will not get sodomized by rednecks if I'm out alone late"..

Up The Devil's Pay

"I'm gonna tend a bad fire until you come around

I'd sing you real live love songs

If I could get the feeling down

I want to make you happy but the devil's out my way

So I'll just pack up everything

Roll it out and up the devil's pay

I want to cause a bad scene but I gotta change my ways

I want to hear your sound again

I want to see you 'round someday

I want to make you happy but the devil's out my way

So I'll just pack up everything

Roll it out and up the devil's pay

And it seems no one can comfort me

To take me from this station where I'm at

'cause the things I love are leaving me

and it's taking every single piece

it's a grade-A mess and it's cutting teeth

it's a big black wind that's blowing back of me

I'm gonna roll up everything into a big red sun

boil til the room's insane

wave my rattles on and on

I want to make you happy but the devil's out my way

So I'll just pack up everything

Roll it out and up the devil's pay"

The Old 97's, just for you get around kids..

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