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2002-05-15 - 3:13 p.m.

Not in the mood, not in the mood, notinthemood. Belly fat and full of dinner, waist, (waste), expanding, and cold, chilly out of sunlight at the park feeling too happy or caffeinated or both. Don�t know. I get to feeling this way and there�s nowhere for it to go. And I think of a woman as if it might be possible to be somewhere, anywhere, but I�m not. Can�t know now, not in sight. So I�m waiting with all this useless energy,(waste). Need a haircut. Make a note: Guys leering behind brush hidden high at bench at park. Not interested please. Please.

Circling buzzards, penis predators, want to get off you, me, themselves. Jollies come cheap hidden under the nose of sleepy, conservative Appalachian small towns. Little secret culture garden when just beyond, men in fishing boats, beer guts, heads like poorly written country songs. I�m so mentally festooned with awkward happiness even though I am also this screeching bird flying overhead following. It used to take vodka shots and sleeping pills to find some peace, but mind your own Kerouac thing. Mind, I don�t have a right. It�s complex and giving me one.

He circles in his van again. What if I just stick it in your ear, would that make you happy?!? I�m not giving any of THAT away. I�ll take another photograph, it�s the companies, not mine. Ah, the outdoorsman forgot his glasses on his head and a belly full of tacos. Another pass around, shit, I�ll have to leave. What will it be this time? Another �Got a light?�? They are everyone�s �Mr. Wonderful�, me, they just give the creeps. Boyish looks never got me anything other than repeatedly carded and hit on by fellas that look like high school principals or constipated �Mr. Wilson�s� circa the original Denis the Menace TV series. They�ve sucked, (pardon my pun), all the energy out of my favorite park even though we �breeders� lord assuredly over all else. Not interested, please go away.

Itchy world, new summer and bugs to provide plenty of annoyance despite their stature. Hetro singles: next day hangovers, Queers in the park: mosquito bites? I caught motion out of the corner of my eye and looked, big mistake. Eye contact just encourages them. Who says I don�t know what the ladies go through?!? Sod off! Sod off Bastard! Shouldn�t have worn my �nice� jeans. All right, I�ll leave! I�ll return home to parents and �Animal Planet�, funny pets, ha-ha. It�s insulting to everyone�s intelligence, but has strange magic on feeble-minded funny bones. Imagine thinking the most unbelievable or amazing thing a person might see in a day is a dog that can open a door. Guffaw! That�s cute! All right head, quit swimming. I�m taking you home�

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