It's beautiful outside today, the sun and the sky and the wind gently shaking the trees and oh I wouldn't know. It doesn't touch me no matter how I try to let it into me. It's one of those hard days. Hard days are not so much about alcohol and not drinking and more about everything. Not being comfortable here now, not knowing what will come, and the ugly world that I left behind.
I've been here a little over four months now. It was Christmas day actually that I arrived back at my parents home. The past five or so years I had been living in Philadelphia. I met her a month after I moved there and five years later I lost my 2nd decent job because I was too sick and too weak from drinking. Drinking in the morning, drinking at lunch, drinking through the evening. I didn't care anymore.
I get a call on the phone. Here I am practically waiting for death and what does it do but come and take one of my best friends. I missed the funeral by an hour and proceded to stay unconscious for the next few days in a hotel room wrapped around a bottle of booze.
It was Christmas when I came home and not long after, it was decided that she couldn't live with me anymore. I have to say I understand, but I took it the only way I knew how and that's when I got pulled over. DUI. It was the bottom and there was no escaping it.
In four months a lot has changed, I have evidence that proves that to me. I'm still missing some of my sanity I think, but maybe that was already missing and I just didn't notice.
"My path is a wide ribbon
and it's mapped out but it's all even.
And this power is self given. And it's clear, and it's bright, and it's thick, and it's without. Without edges"
-Superchunk for the kids.
