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     diary at DiaryLand.com! contact me older entries newest entry In the aeroplane over the sea

2002-05-03 - 3:52 p.m.

The day is saturated with the coolness of entropy and grey clouds crowding up around the tired sky. Under the world and the weight and the weather feeling hapless and manic just moving through the day feels like mere survival. Sometimes when my mind shakes my strength and tries to break me under ridiculous fears and phobias that's all I have: mere survival. I'm learning though that it can't always break me, that I don't always succumb to the irrationality.

It's Friday out there in the world and what does it all mean to you? Trapped in this town, it's like a useless tinker toy. Tonight there's a little art opening and I'll go and stand gracelessly with the clatter of a self-esteem crash and a mouth full of anxious confusion until I wonder back home to wait. It's all a patience game with murder in the night and an embarassed apology for tomorrow, a guilty excuse to lie and kill myself another day with everything and nothing at the same time. It's getting crowded in here already.

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